End of summer, July 2022, as I sit here in my comfy Papisan chair, stressing about work, family, my health, and other things, I am compelled to return to Yoga.
My body has shut down, my mind has shut down, and I am unsure of everything, but wanting peace.
Fall of 2019, I accepted a position back in Healthcare, another on-call 24/7 position, Emergency Room management. Another promise of no weekends and limited hospital departments. Another false truth, but something I felt I wanted to pursue. I needed to regain my financial independence.
Then, as I started to progress and shine in my position, so did the demand.
Barbara you are now responsible for x, y and z departments. Barbara you are now responsible for additional areas. Barbara you need to train the trainers. Barbara I need you to do this. Barbara we are short staffed you need to cover shifts in the ER. Barbara please set up your own interviews for new hires. We can't rely on the recruiters.
Barbara follow up with preboarding, they aren't taking care of the candidates and we are losing people. Barbara you need to be the employee, lead, manager, supervisor, recruiter and director. Barbara you need to handle the IT on these multiple projects, this is COVID, there are travel restrictions but we are moving forward anyway.....
Then, there are almost 50 employees 24/7. "I can't clock out, I forgot to submit my payroll, I'm blatantly not following these directions, my relief didn't show for work this evening. Barbara another employee left before their shift end at 3am, Barbara we have a patient who was misidentified. Barbara you did this wrong. I'm going to physically assault Barbara, if she writes me up again. Barbara the new employee has bugs, etc. etc. etc."
How am I to do my own job? How am I to build meaningful relationships and provide input on how to do/be better? How am I to quality review my team while I am exhausted?
I cant................. Especially when I continue to get pneumonia, sinus infections, and now this.. My body has shut down, my mind has informed my body "We are done, Barbara wont quit, but we HAVE to."
She's not respecting us, or taking care of us, we need to STOP.
Life is so confusing right now, I am unsure of what to do, or how to do it.
These few years have been dedicated to work, the job, uncertain times, and this pandemic has been exhausting.
The one thing I AM SURE of is Yoga...... Yoga is life. Yoga is peace.
Yoga gives me the opportunity to decide. Yoga gives my body and mind the opportunity to work harmoniously together to enhance serotonin, peace, and the love we currently need.
I can practice Child's Pose (Balasana), Corpse Pose (Savasana), on my mat with minimal fatigue but the benefits are priceless. I need to focus on what I CAN DO. YOGA
They say we are post pandemic, are we really? I am not, most of the front line healthcare employees are not, and we CAN NOT sustain this way of living.
I am going to place some eucalyptus oil on my Yoga Mat and practice the breath today as I try to heal mentally and physically. I need to be OPEN to new opportunities, new ways of letting go of stress, and help my mind/body become strong again. I am unsure of what any of this means right now, but I am sharing because I do not feel like I am alone.
Do you feel we are Post Pandemic? Has your life changed? Have you returned to your mat?
I want to practice again with you, and help each other let go of anything that doesn't serve us.
******* Balasana (Child's Pose) guided audio for you below **********